Tonight I hold you with my tainted hands
by Iamawitch
Summary: It's too late for them now, far too late. They've passed the point of no return. Based of CP Coulter's Dalton. Reform! Jogan


**A/N: **Hey guys! This time I'm trying something new. It's my first time writing reform!Dalton and I hope you guys enjoy it! Comments will be highly appreciated.

**Disclaimer: **All characters belong to C.P. Coulter

* * *

They never talked about it.

After George Wong was mysteriously murdered in the most brutal way that one could ever imagine, nobody dared to talk about it.

All they knew was that since then, Logan Wright Jr. had risen to be the leader of the Stuarts, and Julian had become Logan's gunman.

Wherever Logan went, Julian followed.

Or at least, to those with keen eyes, they saw the stunt man silently protecting Logan from any harm in the shadows.

That night they got trapped in the warehouse, Julian almost thought that was it for him. That assassin was a fucking coward, lurking in the dark to take shots at them. While Julian was about to escape, the mysterious figure reloaded and shot at the door. For all he knew, that assassin could be here for many reasons. Either it was one of the enemies that he made when he was an 'idol' or… it was _his_ own personal assassin. When their leader failed to break him, Wong's followers came back to finish the job.

_You have come here__  
__in pursuit of__  
__your deepest urge,__  
__in pursuit of__that wish,__  
__which till now__  
__has been silent,__  
__silent . . ._

Julian never truly gave a shit about the boys from the Windsor or the Hanover wings, or about anyone at all, for that matter.

But he was glad that the Congressman's son was there and gave him a lift back to school that night. No matter how many strings he would be able to pull, he would never be able to make it. The marshalls would have found him crawling back, he would have gotten caught, an investigation would be made and he would get locked up in there forever.

He hid it well during the ride, little did the others know that he was secretly wounded. It was just a little above his left elbow. The bullet, thankfully, didn't fracture any of his bones and came out from somewhere else. It was in the flesh, a little below the skin. His arm could still function, and in normal circumstances, he wouldn't need much medication. But after what that bastard did to him, he just got hooked to the substances.

They made him numb, they made him forget.

And there was no way that he would able to, that he would be willing to give them up ever again.

_I have brought you,__  
__that our passions__  
__may fuse and merge -__  
__in your mind__  
__you've already__  
__succumbed to me__  
__dropped all defences__  
__completely succumbed to me -__  
__now you are here with me:__  
__no second thoughts,__  
__you've decided,__  
__decided . . ._

When Logan heard that pound on his door, he knew that Julian had returned.

And he knew exactly what he came for.

"You're not supposed to be here," Logan said as he opened the door.

Julian didn't reply. He merely shoved Logan aside and went straight to the drawer where Logan hid the drugs.

It was empty.

"Where is it?" Julian quickly spun around and faced the blond leader.

"What?"

"WHERE IS IT!" Julian snared.

"You're not going to get back into that shithole again! You have just gotten over it, I'm not going to see you snapping right back in."

"You got me addicted in the first place. You don't get to judge me, you hypocrite! Now give them to me," Julian lunged towards Logan, trying to search his pockets. "I'm hurt, Logan. I need them. The wound stings, I need them to ease the pain."

Considering that Julian was hurt, he could still move really fast, but certainly not as reflexive as his counterpart. Without much effort, Logan stopped the crawling hands of the drug-crazed Julian. For a long time, it was as if they were doing tug of war. The power struggle was going back and forth, with Julian hissing between his clenched teeth, screaming now and then as he tried to jab Logan's face with his fingers, and Logan on the other hand, keeping the brunet at an arm's distance, smirking at such an amusing sight.

_Past the point__  
__of no return -__  
__no backward glances:__  
__our games of make believe__  
__are at an end . . .__  
__Past all thought__  
__of "if" or "when" -__  
__no use resisting:__  
__abandon thought,__  
__and let the dream__  
__descend . . ._

Logan enjoyed this situation quite a bit at first, actually.

Seeing his pet like this, being at his mercy, the feeling of power and authority almost got him aroused.

But Logan had never been patient.

When this had dragged on for a while, he got tired. And that was when he put both of Julian's hands into his left palm, and used his other to slap Julian straight in the face.

That slap was so hard that Julian could hear ringing in his ears, and it flung him across the room, landing him into the bed after hitting his forehead at the corner of the cabinet nearby. With one hand covering his red and burning cheek, his other tried desperately to support himself and stroke back.

But it was too late.

_What raging fire__  
__shall flood the soul?__  
__What rich desire__  
__unlocks its door?__  
__What sweet seduction__  
__lies before__  
__us . . .?_

In his blurry vision, he saw Logan running towards him, then grabbed his arms and locked them from behind.

He could feel Logan pressing him harder into the bed with his weight, his hot breath on the neck and his sweat dripping onto his face. Julian tried to struggle, he tried to squirm in his touch but to no avail. He was too dizzy - the exhaustion from the night, his drug deprived body and his loss of blood was getting him frantic.

"Please," he finally caved in and said. This was his final strategy. "I need it. Logan, please. I beg of you." Julian could feel the pressure shifting from his arms to his legs. As Logan kneeled onto his knees to keep him from escaping, Julian turned his head sideways and saw at the corner of his eye that the Stuart leader was tearing apart the sleeves to examine the wound. Just when he felt slightly relieved and content that he had finally gotten his way, he felt a blinding pain shooting straight from his arm.

Logan was digging his fingers into the wound, trying to get the bullet out. "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Julian screamed at the top of his lungs and jerked away from Logan's touch, hoping that the pain would go away somewhat.

"Shut up and don't move!" Logan snapped, and tried to gag him by shoving bed sheets for his gunman to bite on. Julian, seeing this as his opportunity to escape from Logan's tightening grip, quickly turned around and elbowed Logan in the stomach, and knocked him over with his head.

_Past the point__  
__of no return,__  
__the final threshold -__  
__what warm,__  
__unspoken secrets__  
__will we learn?__  
__Beyond the point__  
__of no return . . ._

The pain was too much. Julian couldn't even make a few steps when he felt someone grabbing him back onto the bed. He saw Logan's piercing eyes staring straight at him, and felt his jaw being locked into a tight grip. Logan hissed, "I said: Don't. Move."

Julian whimpered as he felt his head being banged onto the wall once.

Twice.

And thrice.

All he could see was stars flying everywhere. He couldn't think straight.

He needed the drugs, and he needed them quick. It's impossible for him to stand the pain anymore.

As he tried to beg again, he saw Logan lowering his head and started sucking on his wound. Perhaps Logan was trying to suck the bullet out, he didn't know. All Julian felt was this strange and peculiar sensation. It was painful, yes, but pleasurable at the same time.

It was getting hotter and hotter in the room. He could feel the heat releasing from both of them. He could feel his pulse and heartbeat rising, his blood and his loins burning.

He could scream no more. His throat had run dry.

And he could no longer feel the pain, because his mind was occupied somewhere else.

All he could think of now was for Logan to not suck on his wound, but other parts of his body.

_You have brought me__  
__to that moment__  
__where words run dry,__  
__to that moment__  
__where speech__  
__disappears__  
__into silence,__  
__silence . . ._

When Logan's face appeared again, Julian could see his own blood dripping from that perfectly shaped mouth.

The red made it even rounder, fuller, and all the more tempting.

Julian knew that Logan would never dare to make a move on him. Never once had he took advantage of him, especially not after... after what happened in freshman year. It was always left unsaid but somehow there was this silent agreement between them that there was a line that they should not cross.

But tonight, Julian didn't care.

All of a sudden, he was very aware of how close their faces were from each other.

And Julian went for it.

_I have come here,__  
__hardly knowing__  
__the reason why . . .__  
__In my mind,__  
__I've already__  
__imagined our__  
__bodies entwining__  
__defenseless and silent -__  
__and now I am__  
__here with you:__  
__no second thoughts,__  
__I've decided,__  
__decided . . ._

He could taste blood.

_His own blood._

It was salty.

Logan didn't respond at first, but after a while, he kissed back. It was very slow when it started. It was as if they were both testing the water, wondering if they should take that step further. Julian started licking at the blood and Logan responded by parting his lips lightly. Julian's tongue entered his mouth and started exploring the territory.

It was new.

_It was exciting._

At that point, everything started to heat up. Their kisses become more urgent. Their mouths only parted to get a slight breath of air and they would start kissing again. The force was faster, stronger and they started sucking on each other's lips so hard that it could draw blood. Julian didn't know whose blood he was tasting anymore but that only made it all the more arousing for him. Their hands were all over each other. He slid his hand from the nape of Logan's neck and started running it all the way down to his waist and ripped his clothes off. His partner in crime didn't seem to mind at all. But as he tried to unbuckle the belt, Logan stopped him, lightly licked his earlobe and whispered, "Not just yet, kitten." Julian raised an eyebrow at the Stuart leader and got a smirk in return. At the same time, he felt Logan running his fingers up and down his spine and sent tingling sensations all across his body.

If Logan thought that stroke was going to help, he thought wrong.

Because it did nothing but made Julian want to speed things up even more.

_Past the point__  
__of no return -__  
__no going back now:__  
__our passion-play__  
__has now, at last,__  
__begun . . .__  
__Past all thought__  
__of right or wrong -__  
__one final question:__  
__how long should we__  
__two wait, before__  
__we're one . . .?_

"You are mine, do you hear me now," Logan bit his earlobes lightly and puffed on it, "You. Are. Mine."

Julian could feel himself trembling in pleasure under his touch.

The mere thought of what was about to happen made him even more aroused. He could feel his blood rushing all the way down to the place where it was aching to be touched.

Julian responded with a moan and started kissing Logan's jawline. And he went further down to his neck, his collarbones, his chest, his bellybutton… all the way until his eyes were level with the belt. He tilted his head upwards and felt Logan cupping his face with his hands and guided him back up. Logan seemed to know all of Julian's sensitive places. He sucked on them rather playfully, leaving a trace of burning kisses all around the stuntman's body. Then once again, Logan's lips descended on Julian's.

He kissed him fully, passionately, urgently.

It set everything on fire.

His whole body was aflame.

It went on and on until finally, Julian felt something very hard pressing onto his stomach.

He stole a glance at Logan's face and smirked.

_When will the blood__  
__begin to race__  
__the sleeping bud__  
__burst into bloom?__  
__When will the flames,__  
__at last, consume__  
__us . . .?_

How much more of this foreplay did he have to endure?

"Now," Logan demanded without a warning and Julian felt his boxers getting ripped right off of him and found himself being flipped around. Suddenly his face was in the mattress and he felt a deep hard thrust in the very core of his body.

Once.

Twice.

Thrice.

Each time it got harder, each time the lapse got shorter.

It was nothing like he had ever experience.

With Logan, it was different.

It was…something special.

His eyes were flickering with pleasure, he could barely see anything. At the far distance, he could hear himself moaning and Logan seemed to be doing just the same. And at one point, they both gasped in unison. When he lifted his head and turned backwards, he could see Logan's mouth forming a small 'o'. Those green eyes were burning with great intensity. It was that same lusty, greedy and ambitious look Logan got when he was in for a game of blood bath.

After that everything just seemed to go by so quickly. When Julian was still lying in bed panting lightly, trying to recover from what they just did, he saw Logan retreating from the bed, and quickly put on his clothes. He saw the blond grabbing something from the table and threw it onto the bed.

It was the drugs he came for.

They shared a look.

Julian looked at him indifferently, and Logan responded by giving him a cold-stoned face, both pretending as if it never happened.

The blond spared him one last glance and silently slid through the door.

_Past the point__  
__of no return__  
__the final threshold -__  
__the bridge__  
__is crossed, so stand__  
__and watch it burn . . .__  
__We've passed the point__  
__of no return . . ._

This was tainted.

Tainted, because he had killed.

Tainted, because he was ruined.

Tainted, because this was not love.

This was just an impulse, a raw, sexual, physical and animalistic act.

It meant nothing.

Julian got what he wanted.

And Logan got his.

Nothing truly mattered in this bat shit reform school.

Nothing mattered.

Except for survival.

Everything was tainted.

* * *

**A/N:** The title of the story is actually a chapter title from the manga _Vampire Knight_. I read it a couple of years ago but somehow it just got stuck with me. This is my first attempt in writing something that is drugs/sex/violence related so this story is definitely not as...explicit as the others. I was blushing the whole time when I was writing it...It has been a really good experience though. "The Point of No Return" from_ The Phantom of the Opera_ is one of my favourites and when it came up from my iPod I just thought it would be a really good choice for a story like this so I've decided to give it a try. I really enjoyed writing it and I hope you guys enjoyed it just as much as I do. Thanks for the support as always.


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